I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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