I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I know her cup size but not her name....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
