if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
