No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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