Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
