bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
