I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
