Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
