Do you still have your period?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
