I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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