I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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