Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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