i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
