Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize