1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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