what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
