it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize