remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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