KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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