come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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