Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
