Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
