We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
