Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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