Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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