this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
