Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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