Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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