Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
