Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
