I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thank you for not boning my boss.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
