No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We had sex on a dog bed..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
