He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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