amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
