i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize