nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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