Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
