I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
