Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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