the condom got lost in my hair
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
