He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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