your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
