I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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