Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
