there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
God, I missed his penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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