I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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