Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize