You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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