foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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