no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you didnt know i had herpes?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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