How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do herpes really smell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
