We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
