well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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