never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
