you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
