yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is the high leading the old right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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