Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
