Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
