Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
