Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
