do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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