I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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