What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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