i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did I show you my penis last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
