Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
