WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
